The Working Mom’s Struggle: Five Tips for Establishing Better Work-Life Balance

*Disclaimer: I use the term “working mom” to mean a woman who works a second full-time job in addition to the 24-7 job that is being a mother. My intention is not to say that stay-at-home-moms are not working moms; quite the opposite, in fact. I don’t know if I would have the patience or strength to stay home full time with my daughter, and I give huge props to the women who do it every day.

You don’t have to be a working mom to struggle with work-life balance. Anyone with a demanding job and a busy schedule knows how difficult it can be to detach from work and make time for everything else in life. The thing about being a working mom, of course, is that when you leave work for the day, you head home to your second job--the more difficult job. Sometimes it can be challenging for me to give my daughter the interaction she needs after I’ve had a long day at work, and making the mental switch from work to home is a constant exercise in willpower. I don’t have an opportunity for “me time” until she goes to bed, and by that time, I am often too tired to do anything remotely constructive.

I’ve been especially busy these last few months, and maintaining a balance between work, being a mom, and everything else has been more challenging than ever. Being me, my response has been to read everything I can on the subject (i.e. everything my Google search turns up that looks somewhat credible), and I have been doing my best to implement the most promising advice. And I have noticed a change. I feel like lately I’ve been doing better at leaving work at work, and when I do have to put in extra hours at home, I’ve been getting better at knowing when to call it quits for the night. At the center of these efforts is my desire to be a better, less distracted, more fulfilled mother to my daughter, and I think I am making strides in that department, too. 

The following are five tips that have helped me establish better work-life balance. If nothing else, they are worth a shot:

1. As much as possible, detach from work email outside of working hours, whether that means leaving your laptop at work, putting your Blackberry on silent, or simply powering down your computer. I don’t know about you, but as long as I am checking my work email, it is nearly impossible for me to make the mental switch that is necessary to go from work-me to mom-me. Do yourself a favor, and whenever possible, log-off outside of standard working hours. Most emails can wait for the next day. And if you work a job that requires you to respond to work email in the evening, or if you work from home full-time or run your own business, try to establish certain windows of time during which you will check email, so that your entire evening is not devoted to work. 
2. If you are friends with coworkers outside of work, make a rule that you won’t talk about work outside of normal working hours. If you are lucky, one of the upsides to working full-time outside the home is the opportunity to meet new people. Some of my closest friends were/are coworkers of mine, and as a rule of thumb, we try not to talk about work outside of working hours. Sometimes work stress can’t help but creep into these (or any!) friendships, but it’s better for everyone if you can leave work at work.
3. Which brings me to… When you’re home, be home. Try to leave work at work, and be mommy at home. This is easier said than done, and what it really comes down to is willpower. Because of the Internet, we are rarely in just one place at one time, and if you are anything like me, you have about 30 tabs open in your head at any given moment. One thing yoga has taught me, though, is that it is possible to “be here now,” and what it really comes down to is practice. (P.s. I can't believe I just said, "One thing yoga has taught me.")
4. Try to make one day a week as schedule-free as possible. Like many moms I know, my work week is scheduled to the max, and there’s little room for spontaneity Monday through Friday. In an effort to balance this out, I pick one day each weekend and try to make it as schedule-free as possible.  I try not to make plans for specific times, I allow myself to choose activities based on what feels good to me and my daughter in the moment, I take long walks, and in general I try to go with the flow. Life intervenes sometimes, and I can’t always keep an entire day schedule free, but even an easy Sunday morning helps.
5. Carve out some time for you,  when you can be someone other than your work or mom-self. Every article you read tells you to carve out some time for yourself, and I freely admit that I have rolled my eyes at that one many a time. The truth is, the reason why everyone gives that bit of advice is because it is crucial. For me it was all about getting creative with the time I had available. I now make good use of my lunch hour by going to yoga three times a week, and in the evenings I make time to write, and watch “Project Runway.” The truth is, when you’re the  mother of a young child, even a long shower can count as “me time” if you’re really hard up. It doesn’t really matter what you do, as long as it is relaxing and/or gives you a sense of accomplishment.