Ten Things No One Told Me About Potty Training

When my daughter and I embarked on our potty training adventure back in December, I thought I was prepared. Being me, I had done my fair share of reading on the subject, and I had spoken to several moms who had already been through the process at least once. I knew which potty seat to buy, I had already purchased a couple of picture books on the subject, and I felt like I had a solid plan of action. But, as with so many things in life, potty training turned out to be one of those experiences that is impossible to truly comprehend until you are in the thick of it. That said, here are ten things that no one told me about potty training… so now you can’t say no one warned you.

10. The worth of a pull-up is dependent on the cartoon character it features. Minnie Mouse name brand pull-ups (as in Minnie Mouse from “Mickey Mouse Clubhouse,” not old school Minnie Mouse--this is important) are my daughter’s ideal choice, but if she’s run through all of those already, she will also accept  “monsters” (Sully and Mike Wazowski from “Monsters, Inc.”). Meanwhile she wants nothing to do with the more affordable Target brand pull-ups, which feature rather sad-looking flowers and frogs.

9. Public restrooms are terrifying places. Not that this is any secret, but unlike us established potty-users, toddlers have not yet built up a tolerance to them. Between the filth, strangers, big toilets, and loud flushing sounds, public restrooms are the last place any potty-training toddler wants to be. Nothing is getting my daughter on a public toilet; even promises of candy hold no influence. The other day I was forced to use a public restroom at the beach (the worst kind!), and as my daughter watched me squat over the disgusting toilet like a raver at a warehouse party, her face scrunched up and she burst into tears. Not that I blame her--I’m sure it wasn’t a pretty sight.

8. Peer pressure is your best friend. My daughter first got on the potty when she saw her friend use it at school, and felt peer-pressured into doing the same. She had just turned two and a half, and I hadn’t even realized that she was ready yet. I took that as my cue to begin potty training her in earnest, and immediately went out and bought a potty seat--a Minnie Mouse one, of course. Since then, she loves to give me the run down of which kids used the potty at school, and which did not. She doesn’t have older siblings at home to set the example for her, so I’m very thankful that she has the other children at school to keep her on the potty training straight and narrow. 

7. The sound of your child’s pee hitting the inside of the toilet bowl will fill you with the truest, purest happiness you’ve ever felt. It is indeed the most beautiful sound, on par with Mozart’s symphonies and “Yesterday” by the Beatles. There is no greater feeling of accomplishment than knowing that your child has one more pee pee on the potty under her belt, and is well on her way to being done with diapers, oh please god. 

6. The sight of you peeing will fascinate your child to no end. And she will take every opportunity to watch you, staring without blinking as you freeze up with stage fright and your pee crawls back up into your body. Then, when you finally unclench and let it go, she will burst into applause, and excitedly tell you that you now deserve a sticker. Eventually though, of course, you get used to having company in the bathroom, which brings me to...

5. Going to the bathroom becomes a communal activity. Recognize that you will never pee alone at home again, and accept it. Those days are over now. The one act in life that has always been truly private will now be the time when your child comes to you to whine, request food, ask forty different questions that begin with the word “why,” and so on. You see, on some level they know that going to the bathroom forces you to pause for a minute--and they take full advantage of their captive audience.

4. You will see sights so disgusting that you will have to find a way to make yourself forget them just so you can continue to look your child in the eyes. No need to elaborate here. You’ll see for yourself soon enough, if you haven’t already.

3. It doesn’t always happen in a week, or even two. In fact, sometimes it takes months to completely transition. I had this idea in my head that once we got started, the whole thing would be over and done with in a few weeks. And for some children that’s true, but not all. By far. Bina learned how to use the potty back in December, but she’s still in pull-ups three month later as she is not yet above peeing in her pants if it means she can avoid missing two minutes of “Doc McStuffins.”

2. Reward charts, stickers, prizes, candy, etc. only go so far. If your child isn’t ready, no amount of bribery is going to produce consistent results. My daughter likes rewards and prizes, sure, but she doesn’t like them more than getting her  way. And if she doesn’t feel like going pee pee on the potty, she’s not going to do it come hell or high water. Which leads me to the number one thing that no one told me about potty training…

1. You have to accept that to a large degree, it is out of your control. As much as I want to speed up the process and be done with diapers already (I would say be done wiping butts, but that doesn’t end once they are potty trained), by now I have accepted that it is largely out of my control. I can teach her, encourage her, and reward her progress and success, but I cannot force her to be ready to make the leap. When she is ready, she will stop having so many “accidents” and will fully transition. And until then, I will continue to pay the nice people at Huggies the big bucks for pull-ups with Minnie Mouse. Frogs and flowers pull-ups need not apply.