Boys Have a Penis, Girls Have a Vagina: Explaining gender differences to my toddler

When it happened, she caught me completely off guard. For a few seconds, all I could think of was that scene in Kindergarten Cop, when the little boy stands up in front of his class and proudly proclaims, “Boys have a penis, girls have a vagina!” much to the amusement of the other children. 

My daughter was sitting on the toilet, when out of nowhere she started to imitate the way little boys hold themselves when they pee. 

“Mommy,” she said, “this is how Dylan goes pee pee at school.” 

I nodded, and said, “Yes, baby, that’s because Dylan is a boy. Boys have a penis, and girls have a vagina. Dylan is a boy, and you’re a...” I waited for her response. 

“Girl!” she shouted. But it didn’t end there. “Mommy,” she said, “I want one.” 

“You want what,” I said in shock, “a penis?”

“Yes, Mommy. Me have one when I get bigger?” she asked hopefully, her face as sweet and eager as a kid on Christmas morning.

“No, baby, you will never have a penis,” I said with as serious a face as I could muster. “Mommy doesn’t have a penis, either,” I explained, “and neither do your aunties.” 

“And me neither?” she asked.

“That’s right,” I said, with a sigh of relief that the conversation was over. As amusing as it had been, I was not mentally prepared to expound any further.

One day the conversation won’t end this easily, and she won’t be satisfied with so simple of an answer, but for now I feel like I’ve taught her the basics, as they say in Kindergarten Cop, and I survived the conversation. One day I’ll have to talk to her about sex, about birth control, about waiting. And one day I might have to answer questions that are much more difficult to answer, questions about myself, the mistakes I’ve made and the lessons I’ve learned. That is if she even comes to me with those kind of problems in ten, fifteen years. And I hope she does, no matter how uncomfortable it might be for both of us, at first. I hope she will trust me to guide her, and to love her unconditionally when she makes mistakes, or comes home broken-hearted. 

And if all else fails, and there comes a time when she no longer shares those kind of secrets with me, I hope that she keeps in mind the conversations we’ve had and the self-love I've tried to instill in her. 

Because she’s going to go out there and kiss boys, and go on dates, and maybe even say and do things with boys that she will wish she could take back. And I won’t always be able to make everything better, no matter how much I want to. 

In the meantime, we’ll stick to the basics. Boys have a penis, and girls have a vagina. I only hope she doesn’t start saying that to strangers on the street. We do live in hipsterville Oakland where anything goes, but there’s a time and a place for everything.