Five Ways My Second Pregnancy Has Been Totally Different From My First
I’m 38 weeks pregnant now with my second child, and as I approach the finish line and get ready to welcome baby girl, I find myself reflecting on just how different this pregnancy has been from my first. Before I delve in, I want to note that technically, this is my third pregnancy. In the winter of 2017, I suffered a devastating loss at 10 weeks, when I learned that the fetus did not have a heartbeat. It took two rounds of medicine, and finally a D&C, before I could physically move on from that pregnancy, and it took far longer before I was emotionally ready to try again. Nearly a year later, my boyfriend and I gave it another shot, and thankfully that resulted in a healthy pregnancy and this much-anticipated rainbow baby. So, for simplicity’s sake, I will refer to my current pregnancy as my second, though I will never forget the baby that almost was. I’m sure many of you can relate to the heartbreak of losing a baby, and I’m sending you all my love and support.
Now that I’ve made my sad disclaimer, I present to you five ways my second pregnancy has been totally different from my first. In no specific order, here we go:
1. I’m older this time. I was 30 when I was pregnant with my now seven-year-old daughter, and this time I’m due five days before my 38th birthday. In between the two pregnancies, I went through a divorce and later found love again. A considerable amount of time passed in between, and my body changed. I was younger then and in better shape, and I wasn’t as tired as I am now. At 30, I was considered a “normal” age to be pregnant - at 37, I’m what they call “AMA” (advanced maternal age), and I’ve been stamped with the delightful label of “geriatric pregnancy.” I had a genetic counselor point to a chart and say, “This was your risk of having a child with Down Syndrome during your first pregnancy, and this *points to a much higher number* is your risk now.” Gee, thanks. On the flip side, I’m older, wiser, more confident, and less timid about asserting myself. More about that later.
2. Hyperemesis Gravidarum - otherwise known as “extreme morning sickness” - reared its ugly head this time around. With my first pregnancy, I dealt with the typical first trimester morning sickness that the majority of pregnant women experience, at least to some degree. Nausea, a little vomiting, food aversions… the “normal” stuff. This time around I’ve been sick as a dog since the day before I found out I was pregnant, and at 38 weeks, I’m still throwing up almost every day. Last time, the usual remedies of ginger, saltines, mints, etc. were enough to make things bearable, and by 12 weeks or so, I was feeling much better and ready to eat everything in sight. This time I was losing weight and was so dehydrated by 10 weeks on, that I made the decision to try prescription medication. My alternative was hospitalization. Since then, I’ve been on a daily regimen of Diclegis - and until recently, a nearly daily regimen of the dreaded Zofran, a chemo medicine with awful side effects (migraines galore), and potential risk factors for the baby. Without those medications, I don’t know if the baby would have survived. Thankfully, at this point I only have to take Zofran occasionally, though the Diclegis is still an everyday thing. The baby is totally healthy, and I’ve managed to hold on to the pregnancy, while still being able to care for my seven-year-old daughter, help with the care of my ten-year-old stepdaughter (who is with us part time), and until recently, continue to work my full-time, deadline-driven, tech-industry sales job. I could write a whole post on the ways this condition has affected my life, but I’ll move on for now.
3. I’m already a mom this time. With my first pregnancy, I had the luxury of putting myself first. If I was tired, I could lay down. If I was sick, I could care for myself. It was all about me. This time around I’m the mother of a seven-year-old child, and my focus is no longer myself. Regardless of how I feel, I have a daughter who needs constant care and attention just like all other kids. No matter how I feel, it’s my job to wake up each day, feed her, clothe her, get her ready for school, pick her up, help her with her homework, make dinner, bathe her, get her ready for bed, and give her the mental and emotional attention she deserves. Beside for these practicalities, I also have her feelings to take into consideration. Due to my previous loss, I was reluctant to tell her that I was expecting until I was in my second trimester. Because I was so sick this time, my daughter was terrified that I was dying, and constantly asked me why I was so sick, until I caved and revealed the reason so that she could stop worrying. My bedroom closet door is covered with drawings and notes from her that say, “Feel better soon, Mommy,” and those messages have been all that has kept me going at times. I also have her feelings to consider when it comes to the arrival of baby number two. She is used to being my little baby, and has expressed concern that she will no longer receive the same amount of attention once baby girl arrives. My biggest fear this time is not the process of giving birth, but how the arrival of the new baby will affect her and our family dynamic. Overall she’s very excited for her sister to arrive - after all, she’s been begging me for a sibling for YEARS - but she still has her hesitations, and I’m very sensitive to that.
4. I’m more assertive and confident than I was last time. With my first pregnancy, I was less than happy with the doctor I had chosen, but I stuck with him because everyone I knew was using him as their OBGYN, and I figured the problem was me, not him. Similarly, I was receptive to all of the “helpful” advice that was passed on to me by the experienced mothers I knew in real life, and the multitude of experienced mothers on the Internet. I didn’t trust my own instincts, and I was hesitant to voice my concerns. This resulted in a ton of anxiety for me, and ton of regrets. This time around, I selected an OBGYN practice with all female doctors, and while I’m open to the advice and experience of other mothers, when it comes down to it, I trust my own intuition and experience most of all. I’m less afraid to make my concerns known to my doctors, and I’m less afraid to gently tell others to back the eff off. I’ve read some parenting books this time, and I use the apps, but I take it all with a grain of salt. I’ve been there, done that, and while there’s always more to learn, I’m less afraid that I’m doing things wrong, or making the wrong choices. It has made a world of difference, and I only wish that I had trusted myself more the first time. Live and learn, I guess.
5. I’m cherishing every moment. Maybe it’s the fact that I lost a baby last year, and I now know that no pregnancy is a given. Maybe it’s the fact that at almost 38, and with this baby making three kids total between me and my boyfriend, this will likely be my last pregnancy (kids are so expensive - especially in the United States, where health insurance is a privilege, childcare is insanely expensive, and maternity leave is minimal - and as noted above, pregnancy at this age has been a real b*tch). Maybe it’s just the wisdom that comes from going through this a second time around. Whatever the reason, I’m in less of a hurry this time. I’m more joyful. I’m more thankful. And I’m so darn excited. In roughly two weeks, baby girl will join our family. I feel her moving around in there every day, and despite the nausea, the exhaustion, the emotional intensity, and the challenge of balancing pregnancy with motherhood, I could not be more happy to be pregnant. This baby is so wanted, and will be so loved. Every minute has been a little miracle to me.
Love to you all.
Now that I’ve made my sad disclaimer, I present to you five ways my second pregnancy has been totally different from my first. In no specific order, here we go:
1. I’m older this time. I was 30 when I was pregnant with my now seven-year-old daughter, and this time I’m due five days before my 38th birthday. In between the two pregnancies, I went through a divorce and later found love again. A considerable amount of time passed in between, and my body changed. I was younger then and in better shape, and I wasn’t as tired as I am now. At 30, I was considered a “normal” age to be pregnant - at 37, I’m what they call “AMA” (advanced maternal age), and I’ve been stamped with the delightful label of “geriatric pregnancy.” I had a genetic counselor point to a chart and say, “This was your risk of having a child with Down Syndrome during your first pregnancy, and this *points to a much higher number* is your risk now.” Gee, thanks. On the flip side, I’m older, wiser, more confident, and less timid about asserting myself. More about that later.
2. Hyperemesis Gravidarum - otherwise known as “extreme morning sickness” - reared its ugly head this time around. With my first pregnancy, I dealt with the typical first trimester morning sickness that the majority of pregnant women experience, at least to some degree. Nausea, a little vomiting, food aversions… the “normal” stuff. This time around I’ve been sick as a dog since the day before I found out I was pregnant, and at 38 weeks, I’m still throwing up almost every day. Last time, the usual remedies of ginger, saltines, mints, etc. were enough to make things bearable, and by 12 weeks or so, I was feeling much better and ready to eat everything in sight. This time I was losing weight and was so dehydrated by 10 weeks on, that I made the decision to try prescription medication. My alternative was hospitalization. Since then, I’ve been on a daily regimen of Diclegis - and until recently, a nearly daily regimen of the dreaded Zofran, a chemo medicine with awful side effects (migraines galore), and potential risk factors for the baby. Without those medications, I don’t know if the baby would have survived. Thankfully, at this point I only have to take Zofran occasionally, though the Diclegis is still an everyday thing. The baby is totally healthy, and I’ve managed to hold on to the pregnancy, while still being able to care for my seven-year-old daughter, help with the care of my ten-year-old stepdaughter (who is with us part time), and until recently, continue to work my full-time, deadline-driven, tech-industry sales job. I could write a whole post on the ways this condition has affected my life, but I’ll move on for now.
3. I’m already a mom this time. With my first pregnancy, I had the luxury of putting myself first. If I was tired, I could lay down. If I was sick, I could care for myself. It was all about me. This time around I’m the mother of a seven-year-old child, and my focus is no longer myself. Regardless of how I feel, I have a daughter who needs constant care and attention just like all other kids. No matter how I feel, it’s my job to wake up each day, feed her, clothe her, get her ready for school, pick her up, help her with her homework, make dinner, bathe her, get her ready for bed, and give her the mental and emotional attention she deserves. Beside for these practicalities, I also have her feelings to take into consideration. Due to my previous loss, I was reluctant to tell her that I was expecting until I was in my second trimester. Because I was so sick this time, my daughter was terrified that I was dying, and constantly asked me why I was so sick, until I caved and revealed the reason so that she could stop worrying. My bedroom closet door is covered with drawings and notes from her that say, “Feel better soon, Mommy,” and those messages have been all that has kept me going at times. I also have her feelings to consider when it comes to the arrival of baby number two. She is used to being my little baby, and has expressed concern that she will no longer receive the same amount of attention once baby girl arrives. My biggest fear this time is not the process of giving birth, but how the arrival of the new baby will affect her and our family dynamic. Overall she’s very excited for her sister to arrive - after all, she’s been begging me for a sibling for YEARS - but she still has her hesitations, and I’m very sensitive to that.
4. I’m more assertive and confident than I was last time. With my first pregnancy, I was less than happy with the doctor I had chosen, but I stuck with him because everyone I knew was using him as their OBGYN, and I figured the problem was me, not him. Similarly, I was receptive to all of the “helpful” advice that was passed on to me by the experienced mothers I knew in real life, and the multitude of experienced mothers on the Internet. I didn’t trust my own instincts, and I was hesitant to voice my concerns. This resulted in a ton of anxiety for me, and ton of regrets. This time around, I selected an OBGYN practice with all female doctors, and while I’m open to the advice and experience of other mothers, when it comes down to it, I trust my own intuition and experience most of all. I’m less afraid to make my concerns known to my doctors, and I’m less afraid to gently tell others to back the eff off. I’ve read some parenting books this time, and I use the apps, but I take it all with a grain of salt. I’ve been there, done that, and while there’s always more to learn, I’m less afraid that I’m doing things wrong, or making the wrong choices. It has made a world of difference, and I only wish that I had trusted myself more the first time. Live and learn, I guess.
5. I’m cherishing every moment. Maybe it’s the fact that I lost a baby last year, and I now know that no pregnancy is a given. Maybe it’s the fact that at almost 38, and with this baby making three kids total between me and my boyfriend, this will likely be my last pregnancy (kids are so expensive - especially in the United States, where health insurance is a privilege, childcare is insanely expensive, and maternity leave is minimal - and as noted above, pregnancy at this age has been a real b*tch). Maybe it’s just the wisdom that comes from going through this a second time around. Whatever the reason, I’m in less of a hurry this time. I’m more joyful. I’m more thankful. And I’m so darn excited. In roughly two weeks, baby girl will join our family. I feel her moving around in there every day, and despite the nausea, the exhaustion, the emotional intensity, and the challenge of balancing pregnancy with motherhood, I could not be more happy to be pregnant. This baby is so wanted, and will be so loved. Every minute has been a little miracle to me.
Love to you all.
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