Considering Suburbia: Why I’ve decided to make the move.

Lately, I’ve been considering a move to suburbia.

All my life, I’ve always been more of a city girl. Pre marriage and child, I lived in both Los Angeles and New York City, and in both places, I tried to live as close to the action as possible. When I got married, I moved to the suburbs of Las Vegas, and while I enjoyed the quiet, safety, cleanliness, and affordability that came with living outside of the city center, it never felt quite right to me. I missed the proximity to the best restaurants, coffee shops, and bars. I missed the walkability, and the convenience of being centrally located. I even missed hearing the noise from the street at night. So when I relocated to the Bay Area after my divorce, I decided to return to my urban roots. I couldn’t swing San Francisco, so instead I moved into a small apartment in a cool part of Oakland, a city that is very much an urban center in its own right.

Of course, the difference between L.A./NYC me, and Oakland me, is that Oakland me has a young child. And that makes all the difference in the world. This weekend, a friend told me that she didn’t know how I had been living in my current apartment for almost a year. And I see her point. My apartment is tiny. I have no dishwasher. I barely have any storage space. There is no A/C. It has wall to wall carpet, with the exception of the kitchen and bathroom. I share two washers and dryers with more than 30 other apartments. I have to climb two flights of stairs -- with my daughter, groceries, etc.-- to get into my house. And for the first six months, I had no dedicated parking spot.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I have lived in far worse accommodations on several occasions.  But what was normal to me when I was 21 and on my own, is now far from ideal as a grown woman with a child. And after living here for almost a year, and watching my daughter and her possessions nearly double in size, the time has come for me to find a larger place in a good school district, and settle down for awhile.

I was in denial for a couple months, thinking that I could somehow manage to afford a bigger, better place in my own neighborhood. It took me until this past weekend to realize (with a little help) that not only was this unlikely (rents are INSANE in North Oakland), but it was also probably not the best option for me and my daughter, even it if was possible. Because as much as I hate to admit it, there are a lot of perks to living in the suburbs when you have children--especially the suburbs I’m considering farther out in the East Bay. Rents (and other expenses) are lower due to the increased distance from the city. Apartments actually have patios and/or private yards. The public schools are phenomenal. The parks are larger, and nicer. There are more activities for children, in general. Streets are wider. You can see stars at night. And it’s actually possible for a single mom to eventually save up and buy a home there.

For these reasons and more, I have made a decision to leave city living behind--at least for now. Sometime in the next few months, once I have all of my ducks in a row, my daughter and I will move once again--just one year after our big move to The Bay. I’m hopeful that with this move, I will have the best of both worlds--a job in San Francisco, and a home somewhere deep in the quiet, rolling hills of the East Bay, where you CAN actually still find amazing food, because it is the Bay Area, after all. 

The truth is, I think I will always be a city girl, and I have no doubt that one day I will return to city living. But as it turns out, I’m also a suburban mom. And from now on, I’m owning it.